


Incomprehensible emotions

by HiroshiPortor



Category: Umineko no Naku Koro ni | When the Seagulls Cry
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:00:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26649427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiroshiPortor/pseuds/HiroshiPortor
Summary: Keeping her piece around even after the games had ended brought Bernkastel into a variety of unexpected situations - some were aggravating, some were interesting and perhaps, perhaps having at least one companion wasn't even that bad at all.
Relationships: Bernkastel & Furudo Erika
Comments: 8
Kudos: 14





	1. The incomprehensible feelings of guilt and remorse

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second fanfic I've ever wrote and although my English improved a lot since my last one, there might be a bunch of mistakes ^^;  
> Erika and Bernkastel are probably very out of Character, since my interpretation of their relationship is different than most...  
> I hope you'll enjoy it anyway ^^;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernkastel had kept Erika around after 8th game despite her defeat in the 5th and 6th game. But she would not tolerate another failure.

"You failed, Erika."

Erika was rigid with fear, not daring to move even the slightest inch or to make even the slightest sound.

Bernkastel slowly walked towards her, staring at her with her emotionless eyes and a stoic expression on her face.

"You know what awaits you, don't you?", Bernkastel continued, with an almost playful voice, incongruous to her expressionless face.

"I-I... will be thrown into o-oblivion...?"

Erika shuddered at the thought.

After all, she had already experienced this punishment; after she had been shot by Battler and Beatrice's red truth, her master had even gone out of her way to revive her, only to condemn her to the deepest depths of oblivion - Bernkastel's cruelty knew no bounds.

_It had been dark and completely silent; she could only wait until she eventually rotted away._

But back then, she at least could pass her time by reconstructing the 5th and 6th game and finding out the truth.

That her master had brought her back for the 8th and final game was a miracle - and the witch of miracles clearly didn't look as if she would show mercy again.

"That punishment would be way to mild. After all, this is by far not the first time you've failed."

Erika breaked out in a cold sweat.

_What could be worse than being abandoned by the person she loved the most and having her existence eradicated from everyone's memory?_

But knowing her master's unrivaled cruelty, she knew that Bernkastel could think of something even more gruesome.

"W-what will my punishment be...?", Erika asked hesitantly.

"The most dreadful execution I can think of."

A smile spread on Bernkastel's usually emotionless face and eventually turned into a wide sadistic grin. Erika averted her eyes, not wanting to see the sheer cruelty and insanity in her master's eyes.

"Should I quarter you? Or should I tear out your guts while you're still conscious? Or why should I have to decide? After all, I can revive you over and over again and torture you to my heart's content!!"

Maniacal laughter filled the room shortly after. Knowing her master's expertise in torture and executions, just imagining her punishment made a shiver run down Erika's spine.

_But if it was for her master's happiness, it was a small price to pay..._

"... Would that make you happy...?", she eventually asked, her voice barely as loud as a whisper.

"... Happiness? I'm incapable of feeling such things. And certainly a useless piece like you could never make me feel anything but annoyance and frustration."

Erika futilely tried to fight back the tears which were beginning to form in the corners of her eyes.

_It was right... She was a mere piece - a worthless one at that. How arrogant of her to think that she could make her master happy in any way._

No one would willingly serve such a cruel master like Bernkastel - no one except Erika.

When Bernkastel had offered to give her the ability to sift through every lie and to find out the truth so that she would never be lied to again, the price - her life in the real world and her service as a piece and detective in the meta world - didn't seem high at all.

Her life was ruined due to her inability to trust anyone without concrete evidence that they tell the truth.

But Bernkastel had the ability to use the red truth - an absolute truth that she didn't have to question.

She didn't hesitate when she jumped of the boat into the ice-cold waters around Rokkenjima. When she was eventually washed ashore, she knew that she was in the meta world - and that the Erika in the real world had drowned.

After their encounter, she had been granted blue hair - it was reminiscent of Bernkastel's, but it was in a slightly lighter shade.

_She was to act as her master's body double, as her representative on the game board - and yet, she had failed her multiple times._

Erika's shame started to overcast her immense fear.

She returned to reality when she heard footsteps coming towards her; she kept her eyes fixated onto the ground until she felt how Bernkastel slowly placed her hands around her throat, forcing her to look up.

"Tell me Erika... What was it like to die?"

No matter how much she tried to think, Erika's mind was blank.

She didn't even notice how strange it was that her master was about to strangle her despite her aforementioned threat and her vast knowledge of torture and execution methods.

But since she knew that her master waited for an answer, she eventually spoke.

"I-it was... cold. I could feel how my consciousness slowly faded away, how my existence disappeared..."

Bernkastel stayed silent for a while. Erika could feel her grip slightly tightening around her throat.

"... Why don't you beg for mercy, for forgiveness, for your life, like you usually do? Desperately gripping my ankle, apologizing over and over again and making empty promises? Fawning around and licking my boots like an obedient lapdog?"

"B-because I deserve to be punished... I'm a mere piece that couldn't fulfill it's duties. I'm not worthy to be allowed to serve you."

"... That's right. You're trash, you're scum, you're filth!! You're utterly pathetic, useless and worthless!!!"

Bernkastel's face was contorted with anger as she strangled Erika with all the force she could muster.

Erika instinctively reached for Bernkastel's wrists, but ended up gently placing her hands around hers and smiling warmly, much to Bernkastel's surpise.

Erika strugged to use her remaining breath and energy for one, final red truth.

" **I love you, Bernkastel.** " 

After the red truth had dissolved in front of her, Bernkastel could feel Erika's gentle grasp slacken, until her hands eventually fell off entirely, her arms swinging back to her sides. Her eyes became glassy and lifeless, her skin pale and cold; but the hints of a genuine smile lingered on her face.

_Did she just call her by her actual name? That must've been the first time she did._

Bernkastel slowly let go of Erika's lifeless body and watched as it slumped down against the wall.

Strangely, she didn't feel any sadistic pleasure or satisfication, but rather a loathsome, disgusting feeling.

_Guilt perhaps? Ridiculous. She had murdered and tortured so many people, why should she feel guilty now?_

It made no sense to her; just like Erika's reaction to being strangled by her.

_About that..._

"How pitiful, how pathetic...! 'Love'? Wasn't that the very thing you despised, you tried to deny so badly? And now you tell me that you 'love' me?? Don't make me laugh! **But even if you do, I don't care about yo-** "

Bernkastel suddenly fell into a fit of caughing; her throat burned as if it was on fire.

_Why was she incapable of using the red truth? She was Bernkastel, the Witch of Miracles, member of the great Senate... How come?_

Deep down, she knew that there was only one explanation, but she couldn't accept it.

_It was certainly the truth - she didn't care about Erika, she just manipulated her to make use of her exceptional skills of deduction and argumentation. Besides, what made her different from her other pieces? She had countless replacements._

" **I do not care about Furudo Erik-** " 

Another coughing fit. Another attempt. Bernkastel only stopped when her throat burned so much that she couldn't even utter a word normally. But she just couldn't comprehend why she would care about Erika.

_Was it her talent as a detective? Her skill of deduction? No, that couldn't be. After all, Will was at least just as good as her, but she still tore him apart without a shred of guilt after he had fulfilled his role._

_Her undying loyalty and dedication to her? Perhaps to a certain extent. But she probably could find it again in someone else. Then again, Erika was probably the only one who served her not out of obligation or fear, but rather out of her own volution._

_It was surprising that she remained at her side despite having been cast into oblivion by her. Erika was even willing to fight Dlanor, the only person who ever protected her, the only person she would call her friend._

Even after Bernkastel had lost to Ange, Battler and Beatrice and had been reverted to her cat form, Erika caught her as she fell from the sky alongside the crumbling pieces of the Capital of Books' ceiling. And as much as Bernkastel hated to admit it, when Erika had cradled her, she had felt safe and at ease. It must've been the first time she had been protected by someone; even Featherine had always abandoned her.

_But why? Why was she willing to go so far for her sake?_

As emotionless and unempathetic Bernkastel was, she didn't miss Erika's extreme, obsession-like care for her; it was way to obvious for her to miss:

the contrast in her behaviour on the game board and around her, how even the smallest compliment moved her to tears;

the fact that she trusted and followed her blindly despite the cruel abuse she had to suffer and she always defended her;

that she was willing to give up her own happiness for hers and that she would always choose her above everything else - it seemed like Bernkastel meant the entire world to her.

_How did it come to that care, to that obsession?_

When she had first met Erika, she was just a girl who was broken because of her lover's infidelity and who saw her life as worthless.

So when Bernkastel offered her a purpose in life - albeit not a good one - she was extremly grateful towards her.

_Perhaps she eventually became infatuated with her? Or she had already been the moment they met?_

It was probably a mixture of gratefulness, dedication and perhaps infatuation at first.

_But how could it turn into that twisted, obsessive love?_

Bernkastel had soon started to abuse Erika verbally and physically. Despite that, her gratefulness and her dedication didn't fade; on the contrary, it seemed to become even stronger.

It probably was because her self-esteem was completely crushed so that she would think of herself as utterly worthless. She felt like she should be grateful that her master even kept scum like her around.

At some point, Erika's self-esteem was so low, that she practically worshiped Bernkastel and acted like an obidient slave.

_It was due to her abuse that Erika turned out like that. That her gratefulness and perhaps slight infatuation turned into this twisted, obsession-like love._

_Not that it was her problem, or her concern. Not that she cared. She didn't care, that would be ridiculous. She was the cruelest witch there is, there's no way she would feel guilty for a useless, pathetic and worthless piece. It was impossible. There was absolutely no way that it was the truth._

_But why wasn't she able to say it in red?_

Bernkastel knelt down next to Erika's corpse, running her fingers through her vibrant blue hair.

_"You're the best, my piece and my body double. ... And my cute daughter."_

She had said those words to Erika after their "victory" in the 5th game.

_Did she truly mean it when she called her 'her cute daughter'? Or did she just say it to manipulate her? Or did the word daughter simply not hold such a strong meaning to her?_

Countless questions crossed Bernkastel's mind; that new, foreign emotion she felt unsettled her. She just couldn't explain it.

She would kneel next to Erika's lifeless body until she found an answer.

Until she found an answer she could _accept_.

She would kneel next to her for many ages, because there was only one truth - and unlike the witch of truth who now lied lifelessly in front of her, she was incapable of accepting and overcoming the truth.

She was, however, capable of giving up her futile search for a convenient answer and instead reviving her fallen piece, voyaging together in the endless sea of fragments.

Her once again resurrected companion didn't ask her why she had revived her, much to Bernkastel's relief - her piece was simply grateful to be at her side and didn't need or expect an explanation.

Bernkastel's endless search for a temporary cure for her boredom probably became just a bit more pleasant; after all, it was hard to become bored with the master detective and witch of truth Furudo Erika as company.


	2. The incomprehensible concept of love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Many ages had passed since Bernkastel's fight against the golden witch Beatrice and she could feel that boredom inevitably caught up with her; yet Erika didn't seem to be affected by it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't expect myself to write another chapter but I kind had a writing phase...  
> Erika and Bernkastel are probably _even more_ out of character but I hope you enjoy it anyway ^^;

Bernkastel sat on a bed, listlessly swaying a glass of wine back and forth.

She could feel the everlasting feeling of boredom return to her; she had spent an agonizingly long time sifting through fragments in search for something that could temporarily ease her boredom.

Since she didn't have anything better to do, she decided to talk to the only person she had as company in the isolated fragment she was inside of.

"Erika... Aren't you bored? After all, many ages have passed since the story of Rokkenjima had found its end and we couldn't find any decent game boards ever since."

"I do not feel bored, my master - simply being allowed to remain at your side makes me unbelievably happy."

Bernkastel frowned slightly. She never understood what Erika found so great about her; she was a stoic and extremly cruel witch, yet Erika kept showering her with all of her affection despite her cruel treatment.

Upon noticing her master's frown, Erika thought of a way to lighten up her mood. Even though she didn't expect her words to even affect her master, she still tried.

" **I genuinely love you, Bernkastel... I do not expect an answer, I simply want you to know.** " 

Erika's unnecessary use of the red truth irritated her even more, but not as much as the sudden warmth that started to emanate from her body.

Foreign emotions always unsettled her; perhaps because they reminded of the happy girl she had used to be, until she had to solve a logic error which took her not only an unfathomable amount of time, but also all of her joy and hope, leaving behind an indifferent and broken witch who tried to negate her own pain and despair by causing the same amount of pain to others.

_And also turned an innocent, broken and veracious girl into the same monster as herself._

Despite the bitter memories which that foreign emotion had stirred up, Bernkastel didn't seem to pay attention to them; instead she tried to ignore the odd warmth and hide her slight nervousness. 

Perhaps the thought of having someone care about her so deeply despite the uncountable amount of grave sins she had commited caused her to feel that foreign warmth.

But knowing Erika's sharp senses she doubted that her piece hadn't noticed her fiddling around with her sleeve, especially when Erika's bright smile was replaced with a worried expression.

"Erika... Why don't you give your affection to someone who actually cares about you?"

"... I believe that the person I care for the most cares about me as well, even if only a tiny bit - I've got plenty of evidence pointing towards that."

"..."

Bernkastel couldn't deny that; after all, she had been incapable of declaring in red that she didn't care about Erika.

And if she started a battle of words about that topic, she would just end up being pierced with a bunch of wedges of Erika's blue truth.

_Then again,_ _Erika would rather die than hurting her in even the slightest way..._

"Besides, the person I care for the most has done a lot more for me than they might know - a lot of things that have a great significance for me. These things greatly outweigh the pain I have to endure in order to be at that person's side."

Bernkastel didn't see her actions as heroic or grand; she simply thought that she could negate her own pain and boredom by completely ruining a pathetic girl's life, just like she wanted to ruin Ange's life by crushing all of her hopes that her family might return to her one day.

Yet unlike Ange, Erika was capable of accepting and overcoming the truth - that her lover abandoned her when she had confronted him about his infidelity with her countless pieces of physical evidence - and didn't cling to the past.

Even though Erika hadn't despaired like Bernkastel wanted her to, she could make use of Erika, taking advantage of her strong desire to seek and dismantle the truth, combined with her willingness to go as far as she needed to in order to fulfil her master's wishes.

She turned out to be a perfect piece:

Excelling at reasoning, deduction and at the use of blue truth made her capable of effortlessly destroying the illusion of the witch side.

Possesing both perfect hearing ability and photographic memory, as well as cunning gave her the ability to use the red truth even before she became a witch of truth.

Her ruthlessness and determination made her even retort to unethical methods if necessary, ranging from inspecting crime scenes while people are grieving to severing people's heads to be capable of declaring their death in red.

Yet her fragile confidence and her tendency to become too emotional around her master were her weakpoints; or maybe they were merely the remnants of the normal, human girl she used to be until Bernkastel turned her into the same monster as herself.

But unlike Bernkastel, Erika still had a lot of humanity left, even though she showed it only around her; perhaps she could avoid a similiar fate as Bernkastel's.

Yet the more time Erika spended around her, the more likely she was to be hurt and broken by Bernkastel.

"You don't owe me anything - you can feel free to leave and become an independent voyager witch instead of remaining a mere piece."

"Even if I wouldn't be your piece anymore, my affection for you would still remain. Even if I became an independent voyager, I would only start searching for you again in this endless sea of fragments."

"... That sounds very sappy, you know?"

"I will gladly repeat it in red for you."

"No thanks. I dislike all of that sentimentality, it's embarrassing... Don't you feel embarrassed at all when you say something so sappy?"

"I don't feel embarrassed when I say the truth."

Bernkastel slightly shook her head with a playful smirk on her face. She would never understand Erika, but that was what made her so interesting after all.

When Bernkastel looked at Erika again, she was already flipping through a book, probably a mystery novel.

_Wasn't it boring to read a mystery novel when you could solve it almost immediately?_

_Then again, solving riddles was Erika's way of proving her superiority over the creator of the riddle, strengthening her fragile confidence ever so slightly._

It only took a few minutes until Erika closed the book; apparently she had already solved the mystery. Solving mysteries in which only the whodunnit and the howdunnit counted were her specialty.

_However, when it came to mysteries where the whydunnit was the main aspect, she often failed; apparently because "without love, it cannot be seen"._

_It was kind of weird; after all, Erika_ was _capable of love, otherwise she couldn't have stated it in red._ _Maybe it was because she denies the concept of love and magic which was also quite contradictory to Erika's behaviour around her._

_Or maybe it was because she believed that "if there's love, you start imagining things"._

Bernkastel shook her head again.

_She truly would never understand Erika. Despite her being such a rational person, Erika was very hard to understand._

"Erika, aren't these riddles way to easy for you?"

"Of course, my master. But I do not want to lose again and bring shame upon you; therefore, I'll refrain from being too arrogant and I'll train my little grey cells whenever I can."

"..."

Bernkastel climbed off the bed and walked towards Erika who sat on the ground with her back against the wall and snatched away the mystery novel she held in her hands.

Erika was caught off guard by her master's sudden action, yet she didn't voice any complaint. _She never did._

"I highly doubt that these third-rate novels could hone your skills any further. Besides, if I hadn't ordered you to tail Natsuhi and form a theory with her as the culprit, you would've probably solved the mystery of the Rokkenjima massacre already during the 5th game."

"...!"

To Erika, even the simplest praise was something she treasured deeply when it came from her master.

_After all, she was worthless, her life was worthless._

That view on herself made her quite similar to Ange prior to becoming a witch of resurrection _._ Despite being fundamentally different, the two of them had a lot of things in common.

_In another fragment perhaps, Ange might have ended up like her, seeking the truth despite knowing that the truth itself has no meaning._

_Perhaps they would've made that never-ending and meaningless journey together, drifting on a boat towards the infinite horizon, seeking for the place beyond it._

If Ange had answered that Beatrice's final riddle was a 'trick' and not 'magic', it would have probably meant that she had given up on soothing herself with the thought that her family would always be there if she believed it, that she let go of the past - but also that she probably wasted her future by seeking the meaningless truth.

Bernkastel placed the novel she had taken from Erika in a bookshelf.

_If only there was an interesting tale to challenge Erika with... It would certainly ease her own boredom as well._

_There_ was _a tale she could challenge her with - the tale of a young shrine maiden in a small village named Hinamizawa and her desperate struggle against her cruel fate._

_The tale of the origin of the Witch of Miracles, or rather the witch who knows that miracles do not occur._

_It would certainly be interesting to see how Furudo Erika would try to handle that logic error that Furude Rika failed to solve before falling into despair._


	3. The incomprehensible behaviour and conviction of the piece

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having endless time and no way to spend it made Bernkastel contemplate things that had never crossed her mind before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reading the comment on this fanfiction really motivated me so I wrote another chapter, I hope y'all enjoy it! The level of OOC-ness is probably on par with chapter 2 or it's even more OOC.

Erika silently sat at a table across of her master, lost in her own thoughts. The occasional clinking sounds of a tea cup being lifted and set down were the only things that were breaking the silence.

Due to the lack of interesting game boards, the two of them barely had any conversational topics, resulting in a silence which sometimes lasted days, or even months.

Erika was more of a talkative person, but she didn't want to disturb her master with idle talk, knowing fully well that she wasn't much of a conversationalist.

Sometimes, her master would also journey in the sea of fragments by herself, leaving Erika on her own.

But Erika didn't mind any of it in the least; if she was with her master, she was happy.

"We complement each other quite well."

Erika looked up to face her master who had unexpectedly broken the silence.

"Why do you think that, my master?"

"I'm very apathetic whereas you're very emotional.

I'm a dominant person whereas you're a passive one.

I'm unforgiving whereas you're forgiving everything I've ever done to you.

I'm cruel whereas you're doing everything in order to make me happy.

I'm a monster whereas you're a human."

"That's not true!"

Erika immediately rose from her seat, surprising Bernkastel with the gesture.

" **You are _not_ a monster!**" 

" **Well, of course I'm not literally a monster, therefore you can deny it in red.** " 

" **You're not a monster, neither literally nor figuratively!** " 

" **That depends on the perspective of each person.** " 

" **The way how others perceive you does not decide what kind of person you are!** **If someone thinks that you're happy, does that automatically make you happy? It doesn't and it wouldn't, even if the majority would think so!**"

" **That also means that I'm not necessarily the way you think I am.** " 

" **That is certainly true. But you aren't a monster!** " 

"... How are you even capable of declaring that in red?"

"A true monster would be much, much crueler than you."

Erika sat down on her chair again after replying.

_Right... Featherine was much, much worse than herself._ She _was a_ true _monster..._

"Then what am I to you?"

" **The person I love more than anything else."** " 

"... Just stop it already..."

Erika couldn't suppress a smile when her master sheepishly averted her eyes. Though soon after, Erika's expression became serious again.

"I believe that you are another link in the seemingly endless chain of abuse."

Her master's darkening expression didn't surprise Erika; she knew that her master disliked talking about anything related to her past.

"Choose your words carefully. Very carefully."

Erika felt a chill down her spine as her master glared at her, but she didn't let her fear overwhelm her.

"I... I believe that because you taught me that one can negate one's own pain by causing pain to others. Someone else must've taught you that as well, or must've caused you so much pain that you found that solution yourself."

"..."

The reason why Bernkastel hated talking about her past was not only that she would remember all of the pain she had to endure, but also that she feared that people would mock and ridicule her for being a victim.

_It was disgraceful, being helpless and toyed with by someone else for their amusement, being merely a pathetic piece, wasn't it? And she hated the person who was responsible for her pain._

_So why wasn't Erika laughing about her, mocking her? Why would Erika love her instead of hating her?_

_... Well, whatever it was that kept Erika from hating and mocking her, she was grateful for it, although she would never openly admit it._

_"_... We changed the subject quite a lot... I originally just wanted to ask you whether the way you act around me is a facade or the way you truly are."

"It's the way I truly am; around you, I don't feel the need to protect myself behind a facade. I don't need to pretend to be confident and strong, because you know that I'm weak and self-conscious. I'm not ashamed of being myself around you, because despite knowing all of my flaws, you still chose me to be your piece and body double."

"Well, it's not like there are any other competent pieces that would serve me voluntarily."

"Thank you for letting me stay at your side even after the game ended and although I failed several times."

"It's good to have a loyal companion who's always at your side, on whom you can always rely..."

Bernkastel stood up and walked over to Erika. To Erika's surprise, Bernkastel started to pat her on the head, making her blush slightly.

"It's nice to have a cute daughter."

"...!"

After that, Bernkastel returned to her seat and continued drinking her plum tea as if nothing had happened, while Erika tried not to be overwhelmed by immense feelings of joy and bliss.


	4. The incomprehensible conditions for love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernkastel didn't know what to answer when her piece asked her questions about love and its conditions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote another chapter!  
> It might take longer until I write another chapter since I'm planning to participate in the 07th Expansion Valentines Art Exchange, but the updates really just depend on whether I happen to have a burst of inspiration at 11pm or not xD  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy it ^^

Erika wasn't sure how many ages had passed ever since the 8th game had ended, how long it had only been the two of them in this isolated fragment.

_Had they grown closer ever since? Even just a tiny bit?_

Considering that she had been able to talk about Bernkastel's past which was like a forbidden topic, Bernkastel seemed to trust her a lot more.

_Maybe she could understand her master a bit better now..._

**_"You don't know anything about Bern."_ **

**_"It looks like you're jealous of the relationship we have, but you'd better give up. The hell you think you've gone through was nothing more than a blink of an eye compared to the hell we had to crawl out of."_ **

Erika subconsciously clenched her teeth as Lambdadelta's words during the 6th game crossed her mind.

_In order to love someone... Is it truly necessary to fully understand the pain they've gone through? Even if two people share a similar background, they can become completely different from each other._

_The way how pain affects someone depends not only on the intensity of the pain, but also the vulnerability of the victim. Therefore, only two exact copies of the same person who experienced the exact same pain could truly understand how they feel._

_Nobody can truly understand each other's pain._ _If it's necessary in order to love someone, then love would be impossible._

"My master... What are necessary conditions for love?"

"Why do you ask _me_ out of all people? I don't know anything about love."

Bernkastel let out a dry laugh afterwards, only to fall silent shortly after, having figured out a possible reason.

_Erika probably wanted to know whether it is possible for her love to be reciprocated..._

"I sincerely don't know what could be conditions for love. What are yours?"

"... I think my love for you no longer has any conditions. Even if you don't have any of the qualities that made me fall in love you anymore, I would still love you. I would always love you, no matter how horrible you would be to me."

Usually, Bernkastel would've laughed at those words; but she knew fully well that they weren't exaggerated, causing her to frown.

 _After all, Erika always let her abuse her, never fighting back or voicing any complaint... Erika had even_ died _for her and after she had been resurrected, she still remained loyal to her..._

_And she... She hadn't even watched Erika's final duel before her initial death._

_She hadn't even been there while she was dying._

_She hadn't even felt remorse, she was merely annoyed because she lost the 6th game._

"... I pity you. No matter how cruel I'd be, you'd always remain bound to me... I wonder how you can be so happy even after all of your efforts were disregarded and you were thrown away like trash by the very same person you had given up everything for."

"I had was able to become a witch of truth because I was able to accept and let go of the past. To me, only the present is important. ... And I am at your side, right here and now; that's all that matters to me."

"... Still, you're quite unfortunate for loving such a cruel person like me out of all people."

"A truly cruel person would've used my feelings to control me, similar to pulling the strings of a marionette."

"Heh... You almost make me seem human."

"Is it a bad thing, being human?"

"... I'm far from human, that's all."

_Being human wasn't necessarily bad; humans lived their lives to the fullest, since they knew that they'll die one day._

_Witches lived for an eternity, while slowly rotting away due to their everlasting boredom._

_But humans were weak. They were the witches' entertainment until they died, physically or mentally._

_They were like their toys; they are played with until they either broke or were abandoned after one had lost interest in them._

_Was it better to be a human or a witch?_

_She had been very happy while she was human, but completely indifferent ever since she had become a witch._

_But she never,_ never _wanted to be toyed with ever again. Even if it cost all of her happiness._

_To have both power and happiness seemed to be impossible for her, as she was merely an accumulation of the despair of the human she once was._

"You're quite fortunate for being a human and a witch at the same time, Erika. Not everyone has that privilege."

"Why is that?"

"Because some are incapable of overcoming their pain and break because of it, losing their humanity."

"... Is it impossible for them to recover?"

"There isn't anyone who did and no one probably ever will. Don't even try to change the way I am, it's futile."

"You're perfectly fine the way you are, there's no need for me to try to change you."

"'Perfectly fine' is quite exaggerated..."

"I genuinely think so. I merely want to make you happy, I don't want you to be a different person."

"... I see. Anyway, it's quite unusual for you to ask me something like that out of the blue. Did something happen?"

"It's... It's nothing important."

Erika knew that she didn't sound convincing at all, especially since she had a dejected expression on her face as well.

"You're not being honest. Does it have anything to do with your former boyfriend?"

"No... It really isn't a big deal."

"It doesn't seem to be a trivial matter to you. Are you dejected because of something I said?"

"No, it's certai- definitely not your fault."

Erika silently cursed herself for her slip of the tongue, knowing that her master could conclude from her avoidance of any words related to 'certain' that it had to do with the witch of certainty.

_She... She was afraid of what her master would say next. She was afraid to hear her master say that she loved Lambdadelta and how pathetic she was for hoping that her master cared even the slightest bit about her._

_That her master didn't return her feelings was something she had accepted long time ago... But that her master loved a person who enjoyed hurting her was something she didn't want to accept._

_If it was someone who made her happy and only wished all the best for her, she would gladly support them, but if it was someone who hurt her..._

"If you take every word to heart, people will take advantage of that and trample on you. You shouldn't let her words affect you so strongly."

After those words were spoken, the two of them fell silent, their conversation still lingering on their minds amidst the silence.


	5. The incomprehensible selflessness of the piece

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As time passed by, Bernkastel felt the feeling of boredom return as always. In order to ease her boredom, she wanted to grant her piece a wish, as she was curious what her piece would ask for; but her piece's request was one she didn't expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I'm running out of themes to write about >_<  
> I hope that Higurashi Gou will show us how Rika becomes Bernkastel, but at the same time I want Rika to have a happy ending...
> 
> Also I wanted to participate in the art exchange, but it's not going _too_ well ^^; *stares at a pile of abandoned wips*
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!!

Bernkastel sat on the edge of the large bed which was in the center of the room that was floating in the middle of nowhere; she held a fragment in her hand, turning it around to look at it from every angle in search of something that might pique her interest.

After a short while, she let out a sigh, dissolving the fragment as she lost interest in it.

"Erika, aren't you bored?"

"I don't mind being bored as long as I'm here with you."

"... I see."

"Why is boredom so dreadful for most witches?"

"In my case, the never-changing routine gives me a feeling of déjà vu."

_So the ever-lasting feeling of boredom reminded her master of her traumatic past..._

_'The never-ending routine'... Had her master been trapped in a time loop? Was that an effect of a logic error?_

_... Well, it didn't matter, she would never ask insensitive questions about the topic her master tried to avoid as much as possible._

"My master, shall I go and search for an interesting gameboard in the sea of fragments?"

"If you're absent, the boredom will be even worse."

"...!"

"... You're unpredictable and incomprehensible to me; it'll never be too monotonous with you, that's all", Bernkastel added, as if she needed to justify herself for wanting Erika to stay at her side.

Erika smiled, understanding that it was her master's way of expressing that she enjoyed her company.

"I'm glad that I can ease your boredom."

"..."

_Erika always seemed to be so focused on her master's wellbeing that she never expressed her own wishes..._

"Isn't there anything you wish for? You're always so worried about me that you completely forget about yourself. Don't hesitate to ask; you have served me quite well and as the witch of miracles, I can grant you nearly any wish."

"I greatly appreciate your offer, my master, but I won't request anything besides being allowed to stay at your side."

"Even someone as selfless as you must have some selfish wishes."

"My selfish wish will never come true."

_... Right. She knew Erika's selfish wish; she was the only one who was able to grant it, but at the same time, she was unable to do so._

"... Don't you have any other wishes?"

"Perhaps... Could you please smile for me?"

That definitely wasn't the sort of request Bernkastel had expected.

_Smile... Was she even capable of making such an expression? After all, her expression was blank most of the time._

_But it would be embarrassing if she couldn't fulfill such a simple request..._

To Bernkastel's relief, Erika neither laughed nor looked at her quizzically, despite the fact that it took her quite a while for a simple action such as smiling; Erika merely sat down next to her and conveyed without words that Bernkastel should take as much time as she needed.

_She was somewhat grateful that Erika would never make fun of her; she didn't have to feel ashamed whenever she made a mistake._

Bernkastel flinched slightly when she felt how Erika's hand brushed against hers, although only the sides of their palms were touching ever so slightly.

Erika immediately retracted her hand and apologized, averting her eyes.

"... I was merely caught off guard, you needn't apologize."

_The people who had held her hand had also been her closest friends, the ones who had turned their backs on her when she needed them the most._

_The hands that had once held hers ended up dragging her back into that hell of hers right after she had managed to escape._

_They had all abandoned her, they had all made her suffer._

_It was just a matter of time until Erika abandoned her as well, wasn't it? Why should Erika be any different?_

"... Erika, won't you ever leave?"

"I would only leave if you wanted me to."

"How can you be so sure?"

Erika gently placed both of her hands around Bernkastel's; this time, she didn't retract them when Bernkastel flinched by reflex.

" **I genuinely love you, Bernkastel - even a thousand years in the future, my feelings for you will not fade and I will always be with you, unless you want me to leave.** " 

_It was spoken in red, it had to be the truth..._

_Erika used the red truth quite often when it came to the topic of 'love'... Was it because Erika herself would only believe such promises if they were stated in red?_

"... Thanks."

Bernkastel slowly retracted her hand out of Erika's light grasp and averted her eyes.

"Thank you, my master."

"For what?"

"For granting my request."

Only then Bernkastel noticed the subtle, yet genuine smile on her face.


End file.
